Brand New Man:

(A salute to modern cosmetic technology)
A year ago I went thru Botox City
A feelin' ever bit like sixty-three
But now I'm home and feelin' mighty pretty
Since Dr. Digme Young
Got hold of me.

First he siphoned all the fat from off my tummy
And installed a six-pack of hard, plastic abs,
Then filled out my glutey-bones
With five pounds of silicone
Now the senior gals are hangin'
'Round my pad.

Then they sent me down the street to Stretcher Facelift
And he cranked mine clear on back to twenty-one,
Now my nose is up two inches
And my eyes slant like the Grinche's
Man I'm looking cool and ready
For some fun.

Still, there was a line or two that needed fixin'
And my pecks were hangin' down and that weren't cool
So they quick took care of that
Like you'd stick air in a flat
Now I'm "bad" and "mean" and dressin'
Like a "foo".

Now I'm ready gals; I'm cool, I'm bad, I'm pretty,
And I got my love lorn in the lost and found
Hope today I get a nibble
And my drool and shake and dribble
Doesn't send 'um all back yippin'
To the pound.

Gene Pinkney


2006 Gene Pinkney
May not be copied without attribution